by Kailani Akana Murphy, LCSW
We face changes every day, planned or unplanned: a coworker calls in sick, a road is closed on our normal route to school, we have to catch the earlier train to meet a new client, we run out of regular milk and are faced with the choice of using our partner’s oat milk or drinking our coffee black. Though they are often minor, our ability to adjust and continue forward informs how we will be able to respond to the bigger life transitions that we will all face. Different times of year signify different transition periods and September is no different. The month ending summer and beginning fall is a transition between seasons. The school year is starting and your morning commute will either involve dropping someone off at school or finding a new route to avoid the school buses – or maybe you’re adjusting to no longer having anyone to drop at school. You may be starting a new job after taking the summer to travel, or you may be moving to a new city.
Any change or transition can cause a spike in emotions – excitement, fear, anxiety, uncertainty or hopefulness. Adjusting to transitions can be challenging, and we often resist the change, however it’s also an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. Understanding how you respond to transitions will better equip you to navigate these changes with effective coping skills and self-care practices, and you can turn potentially stressful situations into positive experiences.
Understanding Your Emotional Responses
Changes in our routines or environments can be overwhelming, and emotional responses like anxiety, fear or sadness often accompany significant life changes. It is also important to note that if you have already experienced a transition – e.g., starting a new school – but someone else has not, it may not seem as big to you as it is for that person. Acknowledging these emotions is the first step in managing them, and acknowledgement is made without judging ourselves for how we react. In order to increase our flexibility and become better able to adjust to changes, we need to recognize our emotional responses. How does your body feel when you’re anxious? What is something that makes you excited? What is your initial instinct when learning about a transition?
Awareness of what things trigger different emotions, and in turn how you recognize those emotions in your body, increases your resilience and can help you to better adjust to a change in your routine and reduce overall stress. Being flexible is being open to change and willing to adapt to new circumstances. Instead of resisting or fearing the unknown that comes with transitions, try to embrace it as an opportunity for growth rather than viewing it as a loss – of routine, support systems, or relationships.
Flexibility and Finding Coping Skills
When you approach transitions with a flexible mindset, you build resilience and you’re better equipped to handle unexpected challenges and can more easily find solutions. Loss of control is often a feeling that comes with transitions, and as with many feelings of loss we can go through stages that mirror those of grief – denial, resistance, exploration, and acceptance. Our ability to navigate these stages by using coping skills, practical strategies and seeking support can help ease the adjustment process. Anxiety, fear, and sadness are often triggered by a sense of loss, which we can combat head-on by creating new routines and setting small, achievable goals that can give you back a sense of control and structure. By breaking down large goals into manageable steps, the transition feels less overwhelming and more attainable. For example, if you are going to climb a mountain but first you calculate how many steps it will take you, you may never even start, however if you break it into smaller sections you’ll eventually reach the top.
Social support is also crucial; friends, family or support groups can provide comfort and a sense of community. Remember, we’re social creatures, so sometimes simply knowing you’re not alone in your experience can make all the difference. Coping skills such as mindfulness, journaling, or talking with a trusted friend can help you process your feelings and regain a sense of balance, and if they don’t that’s okay, too. Finding coping skills that work for you is what’s important, so if doing five handstands before bed or starting your morning with a set of hill sprints helps remind you that you are capable of hard things then go for it. Being aware of what skills work best for us is part of mindfulness practice, being present in our bodies and allows you to Cope Ahead.
Remembering Self-Care
Self-care is also a vital component in adjusting to change that often gets neglected or is the first thing cut out of your schedule when transitions make life feel chaotic. It’s easy to neglect your physical and mental well-being when you’re trying to stay afloat, however prioritizing self-care can significantly impact your ability to cope with change positively. We have to find something that refills our cup before we try to pour from it, so making sure you’re getting enough sleep, remembering to eat, and taking time for activities that bring you joy – be it reading a book, going on a hike, or rewatching your comfort movie or TV show – can help refill your cup and give you the energy to meet the unknown. Allow yourself time to think about what helps you decompress, what comforts you when you’re stressed, or what makes you smile and make space for yourself.
Finally, remember that it’s okay to seek professional help if you’re struggling to manage a transition on your own. Therapists can provide valuable tools and support to help you navigate difficult changes and find what coping skills work best for you without judgment. Transitions can be tough, and they also provide an opportunity to build resilience and discover/rediscover strengths within yourself. By combining effective coping strategies with self-care practices, you can approach life’s transitions with confidence and grace, turning challenges into opportunities for growth.
